From§Each

Page G1From§Each21 September 2026

The Funnies

The Family Octagon

the chair, not the family · a serial panel, Sundays · the story so far

Moving Day The moving truck was still in the driveway when they pardoned Uncle Headache. Jan. 20, 2001 · the last-day pardons · the list · the codename · By Otis · Photo: Abbie Rowe, National Park Service, 1948 — National Archives, public domain A hundred and seventy-six pardons on the last morning. That's not clemency — that's a yard sale. Everything must go. The truck is idling, the boxes are taped, and on the way out the door he signs one more, for the man the Secret Service code-named “Headache.”
the facts On his last morning in office, among 176 grants of clemency, the president pardoned his half-brother's 1985 cocaine conviction. The Secret Service's codename for him was “Headache.”

The Peanut Gallery

a real photograph; the balloon is the cartoon’s · new every six hours · the cast · the whole run · Mel’s ledger

Public Comment

four lines at the mic · Dez · 21 September

While Trump and Bibi bomb Iran, Putin will subjugate Europe

Houthis hold both shores of the Bab el-Mandeb; Saudi Red Sea crude could fall ninety-five percent.

They call it a blueprint. Praying Mantis, 1988.

The pump on my corner moved eleven cents; the hardware store repriced the generators Friday.

That's the blueprint: your share of the Strait arrives monthly, window envelope, forever, and the stamp went up too.

the record

Today's guest says ballots should be counted by one guy named Gary. Candidly, I signed five bills stopping him. Then I hired Gary.

— Gavin Newsom · the fold

Newsom signs laws aimed at preventing election interference · 20 Sep

Y'all, rice is on. One billionaire made one phone call — so tonight we're turning his stadium into a co-op kitchen. Chat, chop.

— Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez · the fold

AOC joins Macklemore frenzy in bizarre fundraising memo targeting pro-Trump billionaire · 21 Sep

Swatch book.

— Mel

Ben Shapiro slams Bo French: JD Vance's family is Indian! · 21 Sep

Extension cord.

— Mel

Netanyahu’s last stand: Can ‘the magician’ pull one final trick? · 21 Sep

The Iranian — not central casting. No tie, reads like a guest star. Forty-one share on my speech. We're recasting Tehran; the flag tested better.

— Donald Trump · the fold

Trump, Iranian president converge on NYC for ‘dramatic’ UN showdown as Tehran faces tight restrictions · 21 Sep

Soundcheck.

— Mel

AOC reveals what it will take for her to seek White House or Senate · 21 Sep

Toll booth.

— Mel

Gavin Newsom faces challenge of moving from Trump troller to national winner · 20 Sep

Chat, I'm endorsing her live — mods, pin it. Whole campaign runs off my stream: rallies between raids, swing states subscribing at tier three.

— Hasan Piker · the fold

Hasan Piker says he’d ‘absolutely’ campaign for AOC in 2028 as El-Sayed distances himself · 20 Sep

Back after the break: I've sorted every Hispanic in America into pairs — the thug and the tía, the boss and the busboy. Charts laminate Thursday.

— Maria Elvira Salazar · the fold

Rep. Maria Elvira Salazar warns Trump’s standing with Hispanics is slipping, faults advisers · 21 Sep

I don't discharge anybody. Seven hundred Kansans, still my patients, forever, and the county courthouse is my waiting room — Schumer staffed the front desk.

— Roger Marshall · the fold

GOP senator alleges Schumer behind 'hit job' report on former patients · 20 Sep

Ran the numbers on the descent — rotor wash, eleven miles an hour, quartering. I've asked them to mow the South Lawn to a seven.

— Bryson DeChambeau · the fold

Bryson DeChambeau, hockey bombshell Mikayla Demaiter appear to go official with Trump outing · 21 Sep

Long the AI hotline at 4.25, short the machine that answers it. Bet against me — Beijing already did, and Beijing's filling my order.

— Scott Bessent · the fold

U.S. proposes exchanging AI safety alerts with China, Bessent says · 21 Sep