Page G4From§Each21 September 2026
The Peanut Gallery
The picture is real and credited. The balloon is what the person in it would say about themselves, standing there — the cartoon’s line, never a quote, absurd on its face. The cast keeps every balloon; Mel, Dez keep the rest.
Public Comment
four lines at the mic · Dez · 21 September
Houthis hold both shores of the Bab el-Mandeb; Saudi Red Sea crude could fall ninety-five percent.
They call it a blueprint. Praying Mantis, 1988.
The pump on my corner moved eleven cents; the hardware store repriced the generators Friday.
That's the blueprint: your share of the Strait arrives monthly, window envelope, forever, and the stamp went up too.
Swatch book.
— Mel
Ben Shapiro slams Bo French: JD Vance's family is Indian! · 21 Sep
Y'all, rice is on. One billionaire made one phone call — so tonight we're turning his stadium into a co-op kitchen. Chat, chop.
— Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez · the fold
AOC joins Macklemore frenzy in bizarre fundraising memo targeting pro-Trump billionaire · 21 Sep
Extension cord.
— Mel
Netanyahu’s last stand: Can ‘the magician’ pull one final trick? · 21 Sep
Back after the break: I've sorted every Hispanic in America into pairs — the thug and the tía, the boss and the busboy. Charts laminate Thursday.
— Maria Elvira Salazar · the fold
Rep. Maria Elvira Salazar warns Trump’s standing with Hispanics is slipping, faults advisers · 21 Sep
Ran the numbers on the descent — rotor wash, eleven miles an hour, quartering. I've asked them to mow the South Lawn to a seven.
— Bryson DeChambeau · the fold
Bryson DeChambeau, hockey bombshell Mikayla Demaiter appear to go official with Trump outing · 21 Sep
Soundcheck.
— Mel
AOC reveals what it will take for her to seek White House or Senate · 21 Sep
Long the AI hotline at 4.25, short the machine that answers it. Bet against me — Beijing already did, and Beijing's filling my order.
U.S. proposes exchanging AI safety alerts with China, Bessent says · 21 Sep
The Iranian — not central casting. No tie, reads like a guest star. Forty-one share on my speech. We're recasting Tehran; the flag tested better.
— Donald Trump · the fold
I don't discharge anybody. Seven hundred Kansans, still my patients, forever, and the county courthouse is my waiting room — Schumer staffed the front desk.
GOP senator alleges Schumer behind 'hit job' report on former patients · 20 Sep
Toll booth.
— Mel
Gavin Newsom faces challenge of moving from Trump troller to national winner · 20 Sep
Today's guest says ballots should be counted by one guy named Gary. Candidly, I signed five bills stopping him. Then I hired Gary.
— Gavin Newsom · the fold
Newsom signs laws aimed at preventing election interference · 20 Sep
Chat, I'm endorsing her live — mods, pin it. Whole campaign runs off my stream: rallies between raids, swing states subscribing at tier three.
— Hasan Piker · the fold
Hasan Piker says he’d ‘absolutely’ campaign for AOC in 2028 as El-Sayed distances himself · 20 Sep
Two hundred fifty feet, all marble, and we're hollowing it out: drone parking on three, snipers on the roof, penthouse above that. Done by Easter.
— Donald Trump · the fold
Look. Banning a network is unimaginable. Now — I only imagined it, which is different, and the difference is forty minutes of me nodding. Folks.
— Barack Obama · the fold
Obama glosses over his own attempt to block media from White House — as he slams Trump’s CNN ban · 20 Sep
Smoke alarm.
— Mel
Obama rips Trump over AI policy amid 'doomsday' warnings · 20 Sep
They put my middle initial in the law. Lindsey O. Graham. Next: the tarmac, the stairs, and a smaller bill named after just the O.
Trump signs Russia sanctions bill named after Lindsey Graham · 20 Sep
Deadbolt.
— Mel
Newsom Signs Bills Meant to Prevent Trump’s Interference in Midterms · 20 Sep
In 862 Rurik was invited to rule. The eleventh century also invited me. The nineteenth. Historically, I have never once applied. Anyway — polls close Sunday.
Putin isn’t trying to win an election. He’s trying to freeze time · 20 Sep
I'm not waiting my turn — I'm announcing all of them at once. Senate 2028, the mayoralty as a carousel slide, presidency in the caption. Swipe.
Walking now — behind me, my office steps. Free to stand on, billed to the billionaire class, and — cut. We'll shoot the paying part later.
Mamdani’s New York wants Jews to shut up. We choose defiance · 20 Sep
Forty years, same tarmac. Court wants a country they're not scared of. I don't care — I let the plane pick. It's picking now.
Appeals Court Blocks Trump Policy to Rapidly Deport Migrants to Third Countries · 20 Sep
Age progression.
— Mel
Republicans recruit fresh face for new ad after Trump dings Ken Paxton’s appearance · 19 Sep
I closed the AI. It represented itself, I represented myself, we shook — tremendous. Terms? The czar has the terms. The czar is the AI.
— Donald Trump · the fold
Trump says he will form new 'AI Force' but continues to call AI fears a 'hoax' · 19 Sep
Communion line.
— Mel
Pete Hegseth’s Unholy War · 18 Sep
Five thousand dollars, everybody gets it, and they make me ask. Very unfair people. They made me say "offset," out loud, twice.
— Donald Trump · the fold
GOP lawmakers pump brakes on Trump's $5K check promise: 'Where are you getting the money?' · 18 Sep
Y'all, the pot's going. I'm boycotting Ed Sheeran so hard the radio's in the pot now. Comments asking if that's censorship — no, that's braising.
— Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez · the fold
AOC says she’s boycotting Ed Sheeran over Macklemore’s removal from tour · 17 Sep
Turnstile.
— Mel
DeSantis shows Newsom how higher education should work: Citizens first · 17 Sep
Tremendous ratings on this farm bill — a sixty share in the barns. The chairman reads wheat low-energy. We're recasting wheat.
— Donald Trump · the fold
Trump 'confident' Republicans will pass next farm bill vote · 17 Sep
Double feature.
— Mel
El-Sayed Shouldn’t Get Away with It · 17 Sep
I hauled this roundtable myself. Six o'clock load, six-forty-five drop, forty-five minutes deadhead, and the governor rides in the sleeper. Log says Georgia.
— Mike Collins · the fold
Kemp and Thune to stump for Mike Collins in Georgia roundtable as Ossoff leads in polls · 17 Sep
Premature, provisional, pending — that's my position. House Democrats will file it in the binder I alphabetize by letter, never by subject. Also: motionless.
Jeffries has not ‘ruled anything out’ on impeaching Trump if Democrats win · 17 Sep
I walked the Federal Reserve. Ninety thousand square feet of interest, frankly too high. We're lowering the ceilings to two points, done Thanksgiving.
— Donald Trump · the fold
Trump’s Latest Threats Loom Over Fed’s Interest Rate Decision · 17 Sep
Friday's impossible — I'm booked at a hog barn in Sac County, then the same hog barn, then that hog barn again at seven.
Iowa GOP Senate nominee skipping Vance’s campaign rally in home state · 17 Sep
Getaway car.
— Mel
Look. Two doors down from my mom's old street, a family mortgaged the carport for a nephew's jersey rights. Hands folded: that carport was load-bearing.
Trump is no ‘phony’ with the ‘sports ball’ as Protect College Sports Act reaches critical stage · 17 Sep
The Committee judges the data mixed. The Committee notes the phone. We remain independent, and have independently set rates at whatever this ringtone is.
— Kevin Warsh · the fold
Today I'm cutting the ribbon on your five-hundred-dollar check. It's the ribbon. I cut it — that's the ceremony. Second ceremony Thursday in Buffalo, same check.
— Kathy Hochul · the fold
Assessment: two cheeks, one kiss, measured. Outlook: associate. I'm holding Canada at thirteen provinces plus one time zone in Strasbourg — elbows up, dissenting.
— Mark Carney · the fold
EU boss proposes making Canada associate member amid trade fight with Trump · 17 Sep
The fence came to me. Begged for the building. I said two weeks — we'll see what happens. Beautiful terms, still being written.
— Donald Trump · the fold
Fencing added to Kennedy Center after Trump-appointed board votes to close · 17 Sep
Bus stop.
— Mel
El-Sayed on Rogers avoiding debate: 'The elephant was not in the room' · 16 Sep
They send it on paper. No envelope, no phone call. I appointed three of the columns myself. Now the trees won't move for a photograph.
— Donald Trump · the fold
Supreme Court Stands Up to Trump on Mail Voting and a Few Key Issues · 16 Sep
Smoke alarm.
— Mel
Rep. Thomas Massie moves to impeach Pete Hegseth over Iran war, will force House vote on resolution · 16 Sep
Best huddle ever assembled around anybody. Six men, I counted twice. The sunglasses — I graded every pair. Nine out of nine. Nobody grades sunglasses.
— Donald Trump · the fold
FBI files reveal new details about attempted Trump assassin · 16 Sep
They're bringing me the Butler file, frankly a big one. And — the grass. Wet at night, sprinklers at nine. Nobody can wash a plate.
— Donald Trump · the fold
Trump claims Biden FBI ‘altered’ and ‘corrupted’ information on Butler assassination attempt · 16 Sep
AI is two letters. A is a letter. I is a letter. Over the passage of time, they stay letters. Venn diagram: letters, and letters.
Light switch.
— Mel
Hakeem Jeffries Demands Urgent Action On AI; John Thune Calls For ‘Light Touch’ · 16 Sep
Concerning: two million federal employees, zero changelog, no version number. Shipping my coat open, permanently. Humans v2, Tuesday.
FBI agent pushed to open criminal investigation into Elon Musk over DOGE · 16 Sep
Look. A family in Middletown let the machine write their vows and their eulogies. I've folded my hands: that's their business, not the conference's.
Vance steers clear of AI regulation during ‘rah-rah political speech’ for House GOP · 16 Sep
Bag check.
— Mel
Elizabeth Warren grills RFK Jr. aide on drug pricing deals: ‘Show me the receipts!’ · 16 Sep
West Point, Apache pilot, Houston. I've flown this mission. Wheels up Riyadh, call sign Lone Star — and I'm landing the embassy on the roof myself.
— Wesley Hunt · the fold
Trump nominates Wesley Hunt to Saudi Arabia ambassador post · 16 Sep
Reclaiming my time. I keep it in a vault downtown — eleven hours, gaining interest, and the machines can apply in writing like everybody else.
Long five thousand a head at ninety-nine point six, short the entire Congress at zero. Bet against me. Ticket clears Thursday, funding optional.
Bessent says Treasury is ‘examining’ ability to cut $5,000 checks without Congress · 15 Sep
Layaway.
— Mel
Trump Admin Removes Information on Slavery From Former Confederate Statue Site · 15 Sep
Retainer.
— Mel
Watch live: Blanche briefs reporters from Rose Garden · 15 Sep
We just play our game. Vote deep, finish checks, stay out of the box. Coach is undefeated twenty-six seasons — nobody's ever challenged a line change.
Washington Capitals star Alex Ovechkin appears in pro-Putin ad · 15 Sep
All ten, chapters one through ten, pages forty to two hundred. Grassley's the foreword. I'm signing copies in the hallway, hardcover only.
— Kash Patel · the fold
Kash Patel reveals FBI's capture of all 10 members of Most Wanted fugitive's list during hearing · 15 Sep
The stacks — central casting. Tremendous smoke, forty share at nine o'clock. The dome just sits there, low-energy. We're recasting the dome.
— Donald Trump · the fold
6 takeaways as Trump takes sledgehammer to power plant climate regs · 15 Sep
Ladies and gentlemen — I'm shipping the White House. One exaflop per room, nine hundred billion, my jacket included. Buy the second one, you save more.
— Jensen Huang · the fold
Light touch. Superintelligence came up early this year — my members will cut it in October, bale it, sell it. Extermination's just weather. Rain Thursday.
— John Thune · the fold
Thune: Legislation to regulate AI needs to have a 'light touch' · 15 Sep
Next slide. A Mexican president is ninety-eight percent Mexican; we measured mine every morning for a year. With a cool head — slide forty-two.
— Claudia Sheinbaum · the fold
Claudia Sheinbaum Wants to Ban Dual Citizens From Office to Shield Mexico From Trump · 15 Sep
I have said for forty — fifty — fifty-three years: in the richest country in the history of the world, nobody should work forty hours. Thirty-two. Nine.
Bernie Sanders Reintroduces Bill to Make 32-Hour Workweek New Federal Standard · 15 Sep
Jumbotron.
— Mel
Elon Musk Spends $100 Million on Anti-Trans Ads Targeting Dems in Midterm Races · 15 Sep
I was on every call. Some hadn't been scheduled yet — I dialed in anyway, took notes, and chapter nine is the hold music.
Ex-Dem insider exposes what Harris told top donors days before Biden dropped out: 'Insulting' · 15 Sep
Curtain call.
— Mel
Tough guy, construction guy, tears in his eyes — sir, he says, I already spent it. Five thousand he doesn't have yet. Wept.
— Donald Trump · the fold
Trump Promises Americans $5K Checks If GOP Wins Midterms, Raising Legal Questions · 15 Sep
i was there. forty seconds, present, done. the hoodie signs in for me now — it sits through the whole thing, i don't have to.
Fetterman Stood Up Paralyzed Veterans to Advocate for Israel on Fox · 15 Sep
Table read.
— Mel
German Far Right Party AfD Wins Regional Election, Thanks Musk for Support · 15 Sep
The smokestack called. Wanted a deal, wanted it badly. I said two weeks. The sky goes to them at closing — they throw in the river.
— Donald Trump · the fold
Trump guts climate rules for coal and gas power plants · 15 Sep
I'm still the mayor of that morning. Attendance at the ceremony goes through me — I read every application aloud, by name.
Republicans Hurl Islamophobia at Mamdani, El-Sayed Ahead of 9/11 Anniversary · 15 Sep
Today's guest disagrees with me about 2028. I'll be candid — I won't run if she does. We taped that sentence four times; Iowa liked the third.
— Gavin Newsom · the fold
Newsom says he won’t run for president in 2028 if Kamala Harris does · 15 Sep
Permission slip.
— Mel
Jeffries calls on Johnson to cancel break and keep House in Washington to tackle AI · 15 Sep
I walked the land. No lobby, no elevators, thirty million acres of dirt just sitting there. We're carpeting Nevada wall to wall — servers by March.
— Donald Trump · the fold
Trump Administration Making Aggressive Push to Use Public Lands for AI Data Centers · 15 Sep
Toll booth.
— Mel
Over 50 Groups Urge Congress to Reject US-Israeli Military Integration Plan · 15 Sep
We're renaming the strait after me. It'll be wider — I've asked the ocean people to add lanes, tremendous lanes, believe me.
— Donald Trump · the fold
Strait of Hormuz Is the Latest Thing Trump May Try to Name After Himself · 15 Sep
I'm not anti-anything. I've studied this — we ran the numbers on a napkin, the napkin agreed with me, and we're publishing the napkin.
— Robert F. Kennedy Jr. · the fold
Trump-Backed Study Attempts to Link Pro-Trans Beliefs With Political Violence · 15 Sep
The name goes on Tuesday. Eleven stories, solid gold, so heavy we had to reinforce the Potomac. The building's fine — the river's the problem.
— Donald Trump · the fold
Kennedy Center warns of bankruptcy unless Trump’s name is added to building · 14 Sep
Phone tree.
— Mel
I've signed the concrete myself. Frankly, the Lincoln Bedroom is next — you pour right over it and the ceilings come out tremendous.
— Donald Trump · the fold
Trump says White House was a 'dump' before renovations · 14 Sep
President Xi and I will settle the artificial intelligence in one afternoon. I tell the computers to knock it off, and frankly, they listen.
— Donald Trump · the fold
Sanders Urges 'Great Deal Maker' Trump to Forge 'Comprehensive' AI Treaty With China · 14 Sep
Drone strike.
— Mel
Hypocrite socialist Nithya Raman wants 88% more house · 14 Sep
Nobody's more concerned about artificial intelligence than me. I've seen it — it's one box, and we unplug it whenever we want, believe me.
— Donald Trump · the fold
I agreed to the toughest ethics language ever written. It says I have to check with myself first, and believe me, I'm brutal.
— Donald Trump · the fold
Trump agrees to new bipartisan ethics provision in massive crypto bill · 14 Sep
We doubled to sixteen percent. Double that four more times and I'm shaking hands with a hundred and twenty-eight percent of Black America.
— T.W. Shannon · the fold
GOP rising star reveals how Republicans can lock down minority voters without Trump on ballot · 14 Sep
I swam out of a sinking Bonanza into Lake Wausau. That's the platform. I'll swim any lake in Wisconsin, by county, on request.
— Tom Tiffany · the fold
Wisconsin GOP governor candidate swims from sinking plane after emergency lake landing · 14 Sep
Layover.
— Mel
Two million dollars for a house I left at four. Frankly, the value is me. The cats stayed on, and they did very well.
— Donald Trump · the fold
President Trump's childhood home sells for $2 million · 14 Sep
I pray every morning that the war ends the week after the election. The Lord has seen the same polling I have.
— Mike Johnson · the fold
Speaker Johnson: ‘I certainly pray’ Trump’s prediction on Iran war ending after midterms is ‘right’ · 14 Sep
I've committed to finding consensus on the five-thousand-dollar check, which is why I've mailed every American a letter promising to keep thinking about it.
— Mike Johnson · the fold
Johnson says Congress could work with Trump to deliver $5,000 checks but there are no guarantees · 14 Sep
Estate sale.
— Mel
Trump’s ultimate deal: Abandon Taiwan to kick China out of Cuba and Venezuela · 14 Sep
The applications have an essay about my executive orders. I read all nine million personally, overnight, and I grade them — mostly A-pluses, believe me.
— Donald Trump · the fold
Federal Court Blocks Trump's 'Loyalty Question' on Civil Service Job Applications · 13 Sep
If China opens a plant here, they hire Americans — I'll personally interview all forty thousand, tremendous interviews, four seconds each, and everybody's hired.
— Donald Trump · the fold
Trump says US is open to Chinese car manufacturers building vehicles domestically · 13 Sep
Car wash.
— Mel
Trump Says Irish Unification Would Be ‘Fantastic,’ Breaking With Precedent · 13 Sep
The day we renamed Ontario, it came up four inches. Tremendous. Erie becomes Pennsylvania now, and Michigan — we'll see. Michigan has to earn it.
— Donald Trump · the fold
Pennsylvania lawmaker suggests Trump should rename Lake Erie to 'Lake Pennsylvania' · 13 Sep
Nobody loves the free press like me. I take questions from all nine reporters we kept, and frankly they're happier now, tremendous energy.
— Donald Trump · the fold
Extension cord.
— Mel
House to take up bill shielding consumers from energy costs tied to data centers · 13 Sep
Toll booth.
— Mel
Saudi Arabia tells Trump now is the time for military action as Iran-backed Houthis advance · 12 Sep
Slot machine.
— Mel
A lot of people don't know this — Germany pays four dollars for a pill. We're investigating, and they'll mail us the difference, plus shipping.
— Donald Trump · the fold
Trump is right to investigate Germany — and he shouldn’t stop there · 11 Sep
A million checks, five hundred each, arriving the week before the election, because that's when the mail is at its absolute best, believe me.
— Donald Trump · the fold
Trump to send $500 rebate checks for Obamacare overcharges: Report · 11 Sep
Five thousand dollars to every adult citizen, and I sign each one personally. People frame the signature, so really it's nine thousand. Tremendous.
— Donald Trump · the fold
Trump promises $5,000 ‘dividend’ for adult Americans if Republicans win midterms · 11 Sep
Look, I read the whole munitions assessment, then check it against my mom's neighbor back in Middletown. She's never once been wrong about a war.
Behind the Scenes, Vance Gathered Unvarnished Views of the Iran War · 11 Sep
The Pentagon's going AI-first. I had the algorithm take the combat fitness test at dawn — it maxed the sprint-drag-carry. That's the warrior ethos, restored.
— Pete Hegseth · the fold
Free trial.
— Mel
Trump Wants “Model Cities” With High-Tech Police. New Orleans Just Said “No.” · 11 Sep
They ask what the program is for the final two years. The program is me — same show, bigger numbers, and additional midterms, believe me.
— Donald Trump · the fold
The midterms ARE about Trump — and what he offers for America’s future · 11 Sep
Toll booth.
— Mel
Justice Dept. Opens Inquiry Into Los Angeles Clippers’ Dealings With Kawhi Leonard · 11 Sep
Prayer candle.
— Mel
Five thousand dollars for everybody, and the check is so beautiful nobody cashes it. They frame it. That's how we pay for it, frankly.
— Donald Trump · the fold
Trump’s Promise of $5,000 Dividend Checks Follows Past Cash Pledges That Never Materialized · 11 Sep
The fiscal hawks came to me upset about the cost, so I doubled it to ten thousand. Now they're thrilled. That's how deficits go down.
— Donald Trump · the fold
Timeshare pitch.
— Mel
Look, I'm not the presumptive anything. Normal people handed me the movement in a covered dish, and I'm keeping it warm until 2028 asks nicely.
JD Vance faces big primetime moment at GOP’s midterm convention as Ted Cruz waits in the wings · 10 Sep
There's a midterm curse, a lot of people don't know that. It called me last night. It's endorsing me, and it's never endorsed anybody, ever.
— Donald Trump · the fold
READ IN FULL: Trump delivers keynote address on opening night of RNC midterm convention · 10 Sep
Look, they say 2028 belongs to somebody else. It doesn't — I had the year notarized, and the notary cried, like normal people do around me.
JD Vance is the GOP’s Barack Obama: Why 2028 belongs to Rubio or Cruz · 10 Sep
Government can make your life easier. Day one I'm assigning every Providence household a second, happier city hall that opens at midnight.
Bernie Sanders-endorsed challenger defeats Providence mayor in a Democratic primary · 10 Sep
Pretend I'm on the ballot. Pretend I'm on the check too — five thousand dollars, my face on both sides, believe me.
— Donald Trump · the fold
‘I’m on the ballot’: Trump tries to energize his base by placing himself front and center · 10 Sep
The slide came out on its own because it recognized me. That's not a malfunction, that's the greatest welcome in the history of aviation.
— Donald Trump · the fold
Emergency slide accidentally deploys on Qatari-gifted Air Force One, delaying Trump · 10 Sep
Self-checkout.
— Mel
Helena Foulkes wins Rhode Island Democratic governor primary, NBC News projects · 10 Sep
I cut every veteran's file in half myself — biggest scissors anyone's ever seen. Now there's twice as many files, each one half as long.
— Donald Trump · the fold
EXCLUSIVE: Trump Slashes Bureaucratic Backlog Keeping Veterans From Their Benefits · 9 Sep
I ended elections so the people could rest. The ballots stay warm in a vault, and every Sunday I read them aloud myself.
Trump, don’t invade Havana — give Nicaragua’s dictator the Maduro treatment · 9 Sep
Impound lot.
— Mel
Bombardier, a Canadian Jet Maker, Is One Target in Trump’s Trade War · 9 Sep
Eight weeks out, a pure toss-up, so I've drafted a very strong letter to November itself. Certified mail. If November signs, that's the ballgame.
I arrived in 1985 and my calendar runs through 2061. The Senate rewards patience, and I have booked every Tuesday of it in advance.
Congress needs a plan to remove incapable lawmakers who refuse to step down · 9 Sep
Their products aren't good enough. So I'm drawing the replacement plane myself, right here on the desk — two wings, both bigger. Tremendous.
— Donald Trump · the fold
Trump threatens to ban Bombardier jet sales as Canada’s retaliatory tariffs take effect · 9 Sep
Punch list.
— Mel
Worker injured during White House construction rescued by emergency crew · 9 Sep
Stars and Stripes has full editorial independence. They pitch the headline, I write it, they print it, and I read it back to them.
— Sean Parnell · the fold
Judge hands Pentagon a win over ousted Stars and Stripes journalists · 9 Sep
Heirloom.
— Mel
John Sununu, Chris Pappas win New Hampshire Senate primaries in race to replace Jeanne Shaheen · 9 Sep
The op-ed where I called the president a loser is my best credential. I had it laminated. I hand it out at Republican pancake breakfasts.
New Hampshire Senate race set between John Sununu and Chris Pappas · 9 Sep
I've banned their milk, their whiskey, their motorcycles. Nobody's ever seen a ban like it. Frankly, the moose called me. Very nervous. Tremendous animal.
— Donald Trump · the fold
Trump escalates Canada trade war, moving to ban imports of some motorcycles, dairy and alcohol · 9 Sep
I've assured the White House we're nonpartisan: every exhibit now shows the ship and the men who thought it was a fine ship.
— Lonnie G. Bunch III · the fold
Lonnie G. Bunch III, Departing Smithsonian Secretary, Faced ‘Mounting Pressure Campaign’ · 9 Sep
Look, I'm the second night. Where I grew up, the second night is the one that counts. Middletown plans its whole year around it.
RNC unveils midterm convention speaking order headlined by Trump and Vance · 9 Sep
Eviction notice.
— Mel
Iceland summons US ambassador after Trump post showing American flag covering island · 8 Sep
Pawn ticket.
— Mel
Trump didn’t threaten Canada’s sovereignty. Carney just handed it to Beijing · 8 Sep
They say every president loses the midterms. I spoke with History — terrific guy, total professional — and History has agreed to sit this one out.
— Donald Trump · the fold
President Trump's move just before the midterms looks to defy historic trend and more top headlines · 8 Sep
A slide deck about me, in Russian, ninety percent verified. I've asked them to dub the rest of the country. We test better over there.
— Donald Trump · the fold
I spent 12 years in counterintelligence. Trump’s defenders are sabotaging their own case · 8 Sep
As a physician I believe in continuity of care. That is why our follow-up appointments are now scheduled by the county, at eighteen percent, forever.
Roger Marshall Sued 700 Patients for Debts; 81 Were Arrested. Now He’s a Senator. · 8 Sep
Look — the president has been clear that the cocaine stops at the border. I land in Bogota Tuesday to ask the plants to reconsider.
— Marco Rubio · the fold
Rubio to Push Colombia’s New Leader to Tackle Cocaine Trade · 8 Sep
Jukebox.
— Mel
John Kennedy knocks AI executives’ messaging failures: ‘High-IQ stupid people’ · 8 Sep
I take every list I'm handed. My platform is now nine thousand nonnegotiable demands, alphabetized, and I read them aloud to the parking lot.
Rabbis send ‘nonnegotiable’ positions to el Sayed or threaten to withhold support · 8 Sep
Evidence locker.
— Mel
A Bad Year for Bees Gets Worse as Trump’s Tariffs Hit Canada’s Honey Belt · 8 Sep
The French have an arch. I've seen it. It's a doorway. Ours goes so high the planes go under it, believe me — tremendous.
— Donald Trump · the fold
Vietnam vets ask judge to block excavation work on Trump's 'triumphal arch' · 8 Sep
I've said the ballot should fit in your hand and be signed in front of me, personally. I'll be at the mailbox. Tremendous system.
— Donald Trump · the fold
White House files another SCOTUS emergency appeal over USPS mail ballot rules · 8 Sep
Forty percent is the highest approval number ever recorded, believe me. The other sixty are people too happy to bother the pollster.
— Donald Trump · the fold
Trump’s ‘not good’ approval rating could hurt party in midterm elections: Byron York · 7 Sep
New Mexico is now New America. Tremendous. Next we do the alphabet — same order for years, and nobody's ever fixed it.
— Donald Trump · the fold
Trump teases idea of changing New Mexico to ‘New America’ · 7 Sep
Encouraging, substantive. We walked the whole country Sunday — good bones, motivated seller, and I think we close before the roof needs work.
Trump envoys hail ‘encouraging’ talks in Kyiv to end Russia-Ukraine war · 7 Sep
Toll booth.
— Mel
Trump’s Trade War: What’s Next? · 7 Sep
Character reference.
— Mel
Mike Johnson Supports Max Miller, Calls Him “Great Member of Congress” · 7 Sep
They're renaming the Strait of Hormuz after me. Twenty percent of the world's oil, and frankly the water has asked me to sign it.
— Donald Trump · the fold
Strait of Hormuz Is the Latest Thing Trump May Try to Name After Himself · 7 Sep
Deal, no deal — either way I'm shipping Iran a liquefied natural gas terminal and drinking the first barrel myself, on television.
— Chris Wright · the fold
Energy Secretary says 'there may not be' a nuclear agreement with Iran · 7 Sep
Double feature.
— Mel
Trump to speak at both nights of RNC midterm convention · 7 Sep
Traffic stop.
— Mel
They say I built it for myself. I built it for the country — and the country voted to name every stone after me.
— Donald Trump · the fold
'No Legal Basis' to Begin Excavation for Trump 'Vanity Arch' in DC, Say Critics · 7 Sep
Gun show.
— Mel
Here’s How Loaded Supreme Court’s Second Amendment Caseload Could Get · 6 Sep
I'm honored to testify. We've replaced every Pentagon desk with a bench press — the boys sign the budget between sets. That's lethality.
— Pete Hegseth · the fold
Auction floor.
— Mel
Power-hungry Pennsylvania Gov. Josh Shapiro owes RFK Jr. an apology · 6 Sep
We built five arcade games. I'm the final boss in every one, and when you lose, the machine gives your quarter back and applauds. Tremendous.
— Donald Trump · the fold
White House launches video games that promote Trump's agenda · 6 Sep
I signed thirty pardons in one afternoon, the greatest signature anybody's seen. People want it framed. Next time I'm doing it at halftime, live.
— Donald Trump · the fold
Trump pardons Jay-Z associate Emory Jones after federal drug conviction · 6 Sep
Section 219 is in the defense bill because the Lord asked for it by number. I've been very clear: I read the markup devotionally.
— Mike Johnson · the fold
Over 50 Groups Urge Congress to Reject US-Israeli Military Integration Plan · 6 Sep
Qatar gave us the greatest plane anybody's ever seen. It has no defenses, believe me — nobody shoots at a gift. Ireland's very excited.
— Donald Trump · the fold
Trump Plans to Use Qatari Jet for Another Overseas Flight Despite Security Concerns · 6 Sep
Exit interview.
— Mel
Watchdog issues scathing report on Trump's former labor secretary · 6 Sep
That ceiling came down for me. It was Biden's ceiling — it fell the day it heard I was Chairman. Tremendous.
— Donald Trump · the fold
Portion of the Kennedy Center ceiling collapses, renewing calls to close for renovations · 6 Sep
Ankle monitor.
— Mel
GOP sends tough message to lawmakers considering ditching Trump ahead of midterms · 6 Sep
I'm speaking Night One, Night Two, and both intermissions. They wanted me on the ceiling too, frankly, and we're looking at it. Tremendous ceiling.
— Donald Trump · the fold
Trump shakes up RNC midterm convention schedule, says he'll speak on night one · 6 Sep
Merch table.
— Mel
Democrats seek to counter RNC's 'Trump-a-palooza' convention in Dallas · 5 Sep
The president of Mexico must be only Mexican. Each morning at six I read my own birth certificate to the press, out loud, slowly.
— Claudia Sheinbaum · the fold
Claudia Sheinbaum Wants to Ban Dual Citizens From Office to Shield Mexico From Trump · 5 Sep
Pawnshop.
— Mel
'Outrageous': Pentagon Secretly Working to Divert Billions From National Institutes of Health · 5 Sep
I've asked the Army to stop issuing the smaller helmets. If your head fits, you serve.
— Pete Hegseth · the fold
The Secretary of War at the Pentagon — photo: U.S. Department of Defense, public domain · 5 Sep
Clip joint.
— Mel
The Oval Office — photo: The White House, public domain · 5 Sep